So, it's been almost two months before my life came crashing around my ears.  No, that's to dramatic.  Before reality hit me in the face.  I should have notice the signs more clearly, but hell when they say love is blind we need to get that damn emotion a seeing eye dog.  Any who, I am on the mend.  At least trying to be, but I am thinking now that it would be best for men just to stay away from me.  I am bad news.  I fuck up everything I touch.  I just want the person that got hurt in all of this know that I am sorry.  I never thought he was lying to me... us.  We believed him all his lies and we gave him power, but we also took it away.  Yes, it has been taken away.  Everything he told me, everything he made me believe was all lies, and I dont know where truth is around me.  I am doubting everyone... everyone.  I have a friend who is trying to help me.  I must not fall for him, and he must not fall for me.  I feel he needs to find someone better.  I have to much bagage, and I dont mean children.  I am working through my pain, but it's my self loathing that is hindering my progress.  I am such a fool.  I should have known better.  I should have known it wasnt real the first time he spoke of loving me.  I should have known.